Money Matters 10th August 2020

6 Reasons Why Engaged Couples Argue and How to Avoid Them

Firstly, all couples have their arguments. This is perfectly normal and healthy. If you're worried that you're having more arguments than you usually have whilst planning your wedding and are concerned that this could be a sign of things to come, try not to stress. Planning a wedding is tough and while you'll face different challenges together in the future, there are few things that take this long to plan and can be as stressful as organising a wedding. Keep in mind that most couples argue over the issues below. We've listed these and provided some great ways to avoid arguments.

1. Your families don't agree on guest lists, and aren't "chipping" in accordingl.

Our first piece of advice applies to any discussion. Make sure you genuinely listen to your partner and aren't already forming your own argument or view whilst they're talking. It's easy to get frustrated or upset if you feel you're not being heard. You're also unlikely to listen properly if you don't feel as though you're being heard.

When it comes to anything guest list related and brings in discussions around budgets, find a way to be sensitive but straight talking. There's no need for either side to get upset over this. Be aware that your priority is to your partner. The most important thing is that you two have the most amazing day. Be prepared to have tough conversations with your family and let your partner know that you are on their side. Guest list arguments with families are incredibly common but the reality is it always works out in the end so just keep in mind that arguing over this issue is really unneccessary. 

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2. You feel as though you're doing all the heavy lifting with the planning and you're partner doesn't seem to care enough.

Keep in mind that everyone is different. Some people are more passionate about certain things that others and some people are just generally more passionate and more interested in the minutiae. Don't get upset with your partner if you don't feel they're pulling their weight. That might not make a difference nor do you want to feel they're only doing something because they've been told to. Instead, agree a list of tasks and split those out. Try and split them based on interests. If your partner is really into their music then get them to come back to you with a shortlist of bands within your agreed budget who are available on your date. If your partner has limited interest in flowers, themes and colours then don't take it personally, that's unlikely to be the reason why you're marrying them in the first place.

3. You can't agree on budgets for specfic wedding suppliers or items.

You want to spend £3k on your photographer and £1k on the band whilst your partner would like to spend more on the band. There is no easy fix for this and you'll need to sit down and find a compromise. Don't try and point score. There's usally a solution where both of you can have the services or products you want.

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4. Your feel your partner isn't making enough of an effort to understand the traditions of your religion.

Firstly, make it clear of your expectations as your partner may not know that this is important to you. Secondly, sit and learn with them. Maybe there are traditions that you yourself never knew about. Bring them to a service or a special family celebration so they can really feel how special this is to you. It can be hard to understand it by just reading a book.

5. "We Want Prenup!" of you wants a prenup and the other does not!

While not particularly romantic... prenuptional agreements can actually be really useful. It's a helpful way to discuss essential financial issues before you're legally committed to one another. They can be tough conversations especially if trust has ever been broken and no doubt feelings can get hurt in this discussion but keep in the mind the reasons why you're getting married and you'll make it through!

6. Your partner wants to invite an ex to thewedding that they're good friends with.

Are you a fan of this particular ex? Ultimately you as a couple shouldn't be inviting anyone to the wedding who one of you doesn't like. If your partner is pushing for this then why not say that if they're invited then you want to get to know them better in the build up. Get your partner to arrange a few group catch ups. Ultimately, if it's really upsetting you that much then your partner shouldn't be pushing this through. Try and listen to each other and understand why it's important that this ex is or is not invited.