10 Steps To Becoming A Total Wedding Planning Chilla
There's a new breed of bride in town; one which doesn't care for unnecessary traditions, obligation guests and the overwhelming pressure to have the 'perfect day'. She's known as a Bridechilla, and today we learn from Aleisha McCormack, founder of the Bridechilla movement, podcast host and author, how you can become one too...
Psst! Skip to the bottom for a cheeky offer on your own Bridechilla guide!
1. Don’t strive for something that doesn’t exist
Ditch the concept of striving for ‘perfection’ and the ‘best day of your life’ because, spoiler alert…perfection doesn’t exist and if it did, everyone’s idea of what perfection is, is different so really, it’s a big bag of nothing. Manage your expectations from the outset. Plan and awesome day but castaway the pressure to make it the ‘best ever’ or ‘dream day’ and you’ll be thankful!
2. Know what you both want before booking anything
Before you make any plans, before you get any quotes, call any form of expert, vendor or even dare to open a calendar, you should sit down with your partner and have a proper chat about your expectations of your wedding day and more importantly marriage. Being able to communicate your expectations about your life together is something that will make you stronger and more aware of the needs and wants of the other person you are committing to be with and will absolutely help you both maintain your chill during this process.
3. Put things in the Fuck it Bucket
In Bridechilla land, there are no “have tos” or “musts” – in fact, the Bridechilla ethos is about simplifying the process and removing all of the extra tasks, stress, and stuff that we’ve been told over and over again that we need when in reality, they are entirely optional. The fuck it bucket is a magical vessel where all of your wedding expectations, tasks, and unfinished DIY projects go. The fuck it bucket comes in handy when disposing of the things that you initially thought were important, but six months (or six minutes) in you realize aren’t worth it. Traditions, expectations, trends, favors and well-intentioned DIY projects can all find a new home in the fuck it bucket.
4. Learn How to Delegate
Don’t take on everything yourself. Although I have no doubt that you are in fact superwoman (or man), there is great power in knowing when to pass on a task and hand it over to someone else. Valuing your time and learn to delegate and embrace tools that will help you take care of parts of wedding planning that you aren’t comfortable with or require or may require background knowledge/experience
5. Deflect Opinions Like Wonder Woman
Everyone has something to say and no matter how helpful they think they are being, it can be damn frustrating, especially when dealing with money. The opinion givers believe that by telling you just how much their idea is worth considering, even when you are confident with your choices, you will suddenly change your plans or realize what a genius they are. Listen to opinions, be polite but don’t feel obliged to change your plans with each phone call or email.
It’s your wedding and you have the final say.
6. Follow Traditions That Have Meaning to You
Historically, the world of weddings is choc-a-block with old-timey superstitions from yesteryear. When we delve deeper into their beginnings, it’s puzzling to see why we have clung on to them for so long. There are many wedding traditions that are completely useless when it comes to modern weddings, and for a lot of couples using these traditions in their weddings is just something they embrace without thinking about, without considering why the tradition existed in the first place. Just as it takes people to start traditions, it takes people to end them and create new ones!
7. Embrace Wedding Planners and Coordinators
One of the big secrets of being an instant Bridechilla and Groomchilla is to know your limitations, and to value your time and your money. The decision to hire a wedding planner or coordinator may be a simple one. If you have a busy job and know that making sneaky calls and emails during the day to vendors and suppliers might get you fired, then perhaps hiring a wedding planner would be a good option. The same goes if you feel completely overwhelmed/disinterested/sweaty about wedding planning, that also might be a good indicator to begin exploring your wedding planner options.
8. Invest Your Budget Wisely
Invest in aspects of the day that are important to you. Allocate funds in your budget in accordance to what is important to you. For example, quality photography. After your wedding is over, the one thing (besides memories) that you can always look at, to remember and relive moments from your celebration, are your wedding photographs. Images and video will transport you back to the people and special moments that made your celebration. I can look at photographs from our wedding day and remember the exact moment they were taken. I can feel the warmth and laughter. It’s like a magic brain time machine
9. Choosing Your Bridal Party
Consider who you are asking to be a part of your bridal party and why they are on the list.
Today, the number of bridesmaids in a wedding party can be dependent on many variables, including the bride asking all twelve of her best friends because she doesn’t want to hurt their feelings, the bride fueled by four champagnes over-enthusiastically offering a friend a place on Team Bridesmaid and then regretting it the next day, and one of my favorites, when the number of bridesmaid’s hinges on how many close friends the groom has so the bridal party doesn’t look unbalanced. If you want a small wedding party or no wedding party at all, that’s totally cool. Whatever you do, make the decisions that work for you, not that are made out of obligation.
10. Embrace your Bridechilla Status
Being a Bridechilla is about maintaining focus and not being diverted by details and opinions that don’t matter to your or your guests. Fuck chair covers and all the extra things we get distracted by but ultimately mean nothing. You can’t control other people or their behaviour and sometimes the silliness of it all, the things that people care about and make a big deal about, are just laughable. If someone has a ridiculous piece of advice that makes you want to punch a wall, don’t get mad – deflect with humour, deflect with laughter, deflect with wine.
Aleisha McCormack is the founder of The Bridechilla Podcast and Author of the Bridechilla Guides, The Bridechilla Field Guide and Bridechilla Survivor Guide.
B/S-free wedding planning guides for couples who want to organize like a boss and stay focused on what matters most. For 15% off your Bridechilla packs (both Guides and a Happy Days Tote) use the codeword WPUK.
Join Aleisha for her weekly Bridechilla podcast, with special guests discussing everything from the Fuck It Bucket to mental health.