Is it Acceptable to Ditch One of Your Bridesmaids?

As brutal as it might sound, the answer to ‘is it acceptable to ditch one of your bridesmaids?’ is ultimately - yes. If they’re having a negative impact on your mental health or wedding plans and you feel like you’ve tried everything to rectify the situation, you are well within your right to let them know that things aren’t working. 

Some of the most common reasons for brides choosing to remove one of their bridesmaids are: 

-They ruin your enjoyment of the process

-They’re upsetting or fighting with other members of the bridal party 

-They show little interest 

-They complain about everything 

-Don’t reply to any forms of communication 

-Continually let you down last minute 

-Mock or down-play your opinions 

-You worry about how they’ll act at the wedding 

-They’ve taken control and make the day about them

With this said, it doesn’t mean you have to cut them out of the process altogether or that there is no coming back from the situation. It’s important you think through your feelings carefully and then approach this in an adult and gentle way, to hopefully just rectify the situation first and foremost. 

Below are some steps to work through to ultimately keep them in the fold and if they don’t seem to work, then it’s likely you may have to politely ask them to no longer be a bridesmaid. 

1. Make sure your bridesmaids know what they should be doing and that your expectations are reasonable. 

With many bridesmaids having not held the role before, lots of them will often not be aware of what they need to do and how they need to help you. Ideally it’s best to let them know at the beginning where you might expect to have their help, but if you are part way through the process, it feels very reasonable to say ‘as the wedding is getting closer, I’m really going to need your help on X, Y and Z.’ Let them know how much the wedding means to you and perhaps how the planning is making you feel, so they understand where you’re coming from. 

It’s also important to remember that your bridesmaids will have their own lives and commitments, and it’s best to consider what might be happening in their life at that point in time before approaching serious chats about potentially not wanting them to be a bridesmaid anymore. 

2. Try to understand what the issue is and see things from their perspective

Speak to them one on one to understand what the issue might be and definitely avoid doing it in front of the other bridesmaids. By doing so, it will give them the opportunity to open up about anything that might be going on in their lives and what might be potentially occupying both their time and mental space. Perhaps their relationship might be on the rocks, maybe work is really tough at the moment? This is a crucial step for understanding their perspective and whether there is something going on that you might not know about. 

3. Spend more time together just hanging out

If the wedding is really taking over your time, it’s very easy to let the planning consume your mind and be something you speak to your friends and bridesmaids about a lot. With this in mind, try to spend some time with this bridesmaid just hanging out and maybe ban the subject of wedding planning for that evening. The one on one time will remind you of why you chose to have them as a bridesmaid in the first place. 

4. See if your other bridesmaids might help 

The most important thing to note about this point is that this shouldn’t feel at all like they’re being ganged up on - if it comes across like that then the situation has been handled incorrectly. In this situation, it’s best to ask just one bridesmaid or the Maid of Honour to have a word with them and give them a gentle nudge. 

5. Leave the decision with them 

If you’ve tried all the above steps and they’re not seeing your side of the situation and aren’t open to stepping up, here is when you need to lay your cards on the table about what needs to change and what will happen if they don’t. 

If things still can’t be rectified, now would be the time to let them gently know that you feel it would be best for you both if they are not within the wedding party and to attend as a guest instead. 

If you still haven't decided on who to pick for your bridesmaids then we've got some great tips for you here